Keepin it real

So yesterday was my surgery on having my wisdom teeth out. The iv hurt like a bitch, but other then that it went good. It's great I don't have to eat solids, but I passed out when they gave me the painkillers, it was because I hadn't eaten anything at all so now I'm being force fed things like yogurt, jello and pudding. At lest it's all lowfat.

So if anyone has an idea on really lowfat low calorie soft foods and won't put any weight on please please let me know. I'm running out of ideas.
Gosh my jaw is killing me.

Lots of love babes
--Sandy <3

And It Starts To Feel Like The Earth is Standing Still

As the weeks have gone on i've just been maintaining my weight. It's flunctuated alot but holding up. Last week I collapsed in class my mom assumed I just caught a germ, so I agreed. I don't think there is any reason to worrie her.
Been home laitly as mom doesn't want me sick for Wednesday, I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled.
I've been purging alot I know it's not good but with mom watching me eat it's hard to hide not eating. At lest when I get wisdom teeth taken out ittal be easy.
Life has been hard the past few week, I've been very jumpy with people, and I can't control it, I think I really upset my mom earlier.
Anyways to the fact it's 1 am right now I should probably get some sleep.
Tomorrow I'm going to shed the rest of my pounds!

Love Sandyy <3

And the stars begin to shine!

4 pounds down in a week! I didn't think I'd be able to do it. I'm so happy.
But I can't celebrate yet. I need to be 120 by Halloween I'm praying for it.
Been having a yogurt in the morning, 6 celery sticks, and an apple for lunch. then something small later like a banana for dinner. All within 500 cals.

This weekend is going to be tough getting around my mom tho. thank goodness for working all through dinner time. I can say I ate at work. When I reach 120 I will post a picture. And I promise I will reach it.

I was really sad last night, my hermit crab pasted away. It was doing so good, but it lost a limb and now remains lifeless in the shell. I think almost cried. It seems like ever pet I dies.

Anyways tomorrow I will put on some thinspo, have good day (:
Stay strong <3
Sanddy

If life give you lemons, cut 'em up and put them in your water.

---So I was sitting in class today, trying my hardest to pay attention to the teacher, but it just didn't work. I stated to think, and wonder, why is it that everything and anything a person wants in life is so hard to get. But the things we don't want come so easy. Honestly I wish it would be the other way around.

---Today I had a yogurt cup for breakfast, celery and apple for lunch and then dinner with the family, it consisted of fries, chicken and beans... I purged right after. 4th time this week....):
Last night I had practically no sleep. I was up till 3:30 finishing a school project, and then had to get up at 6! 2.5 hrs is not good! I'm so tired I can hardly move. ):

---I'm starting to get addicted to lemon water... all it is, is cut up lemon soaked in water.
Its supposed to boost your metabolism. Which is good because I think mines really slowed down.
Click here to read about it!
Note: they say water should be warm.

A banana, some celery sicks and an apple...
what could go wrong...
Dinner could go wrong...
HAMBURGERS! FUCK!
Well I had shower right after and purged it all out...
I'm confident it was all of it.
I can't believe i purged, 3rd time this week and its only wednesday.
Welcome back bulimia.

So I went to the dentist today, I have to get my wisdom teeth out. o.O
But the one thing I'm looking forward to is my new excuse not to eat food.
and i cant eat any solid food for about a month. (:

-.-.- Hangin' in there,
Sandyy -.-.-

Always good at first

Today:
Yogurt - 150 cal
Apple - 90 cals
6 plums - 30 cals each
little lettuce and meat - aprox 100 cals
homemade jello - 10 cals
water - 0 cals
Total - 380

~Today was good. But i think it could of been better.
I had 2 hrs of dance today, which means I burned about 400 calories.
Not weighing in new weight till Saturday.

~It's odd, I'm getting really bad pains in my stomach, I don't understand why.
There not hunger pains, its like stabbing, its just above my stomach and on my side.
If anyone knows what that could be please please let me know.

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
-Anna's Song By Silverchair

~I am going to try and get an early night tonight. Hopefully also keep this up...
Tomorrow I might be forced to have dinner...
so i think i might just have yogurt for breakfast and nothing else till then, and nothing after it.

I love you all!
Sandy <3

Back For As Long As I Can.

Im sorry I left, I had no choice. As mother was getting suspicious.
Everything has been majorly hectic for me in the past month.
I've been forced to eat. I've been threatened...
But I don't care anymore... things have happened that nothing could ever be worse...
You don't scare me.
I gained .... It wasn't my fault... I am quite upset with myself now, but I'll fix things.
Lost 2 pounds since yesterday...
I'm at 131.6 as of this morning... only consumed between 500-600 today... 400-500 yesterday.
I will update on here as much as I can with how its going.
Preferably everyday. I missed you guys!

Promising to keep in touch.
Sandy. <3
P.S I miss you C, you were my one biggest inspiration,
I hope your doing well. (:

Love vs. hate

Yesterday wasn't too bad. I had cottage cheese and lettuce.
but my uncle took me out for a blizzard. I was gonna throw it out but i had no chance i had to eat it... it was about 700 cals!! And it was a small!
So as soon as i was on my own i purged it... my first time purging in 2 weeks.
I was glad to get it out, but i was mad at my self for purging.
I told my self i had to stop because of my blood scare, i cant have mia back...
im sorry mia but my throat and stomach is already getting weak.
Hopefully it wont happen again, anytime soon.

So even tho i consumed im sure just over 800, i didn't put on any weight...
i seem to be losing about 1 pound a day!
Today im trying to raise it tho, eating less then 500 cals and burning over 500.
Hopefully that till work to get under 125 so i can work my way to the 110's!

Love you all...
stay strong with me...
Sandy <3

Replies:

Faz77
Thankyou! and yes it definitely is quite hard!
luckily i have my work, were i can say i ate their...
the best thing to do is be half honest with them and say I'm trying to eat healthy!
i did that and my mom is actually okay with me only having a salad for lunch :)
anyways thank you and u stay strong too
love ya's --Sandy <3

Ana
thankss. hmm thats quite interesting
i guess maybe i have an allergy to aspertame cuz i noticed the more i have it
the more i break out. You deffinatly have a point.
Stay stong love.
Sandyy <3

LOST 3 POUNDS!!!!!

Then someone tells me how good I look
and for a moment
For a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone
No one hears me cry

Plan today....
BURN BABY BURN!
im burning as many calories as possible.... (DDR)
for lunch when i have to eat i will eat salad....
lettuce and cottage cheese... maybe an apple if mom starts watching.
for dinner ill have the same salad....
hopefully that can get me through without my grandmother questioning.
That is all i will eat today!

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
Together we'll make it through somehow
Courage - Superchick

Thinspo......

Not a broken promise

Yesterday I made a double promise, not to brake my promise of not binging at night.
Last night i kept that promise! I did not binge!
Yesterday I burned 850 calories, and only consumed 600.
I also worked for 3 hours, which burns about 100 calories an hour.
I was quite proud.

Just a shout out to anyone who reads my blog, thank you. i
Is really great to know that someone out there cares.
Comments and e-mail are defiantly welcome, as I read every single one.
Unfortunately I don't know how to reply to comments but i will reply to them through my blog if I can. For e-mails i will reply to every single one.

Reply to Twipz...
Yes, your absolutely right, and personally i think if your going to drink a diet soda u might as well drink a regular soda, because also diet sodas are jam packed with aspartame which is so bad for you, not only does it cause acne, but they use it to kill ants.

True Tips and Tricks

I believe in every single one of these

*Drink water! This is the #1 rule for both ana and mia. It fills you up when you are hungry and makes purging easier.
The general rule is also that hot water fills you up more and ice cold water helps you to burn more calories since it lowers your body temperature so your body has to work harder to stay warm.

*Chew sugar free gum or mints constantly. I am never without one or the other in my mouth. The benefits are endless: it kills cravings, keeps your mouth full so you can't binge, burns calories by chewing, peppermint flavors suppress appetites, and prevents bad breath if you are in ketosis.

*Tea of Coffee are an Ana’s best friend. Drink with NO CREAM OR MILK and artificial sweetener ONLY. Tea is especially great because it comes in so many different flavors and is calorie free, as opposed to black coffee which has an albeit small amount. The caffeine is also great for raising metabolism.

*Cut food into tiny pieces. Put your fork down between bites. Chew everything a certain number of times. Eat in patterns.
Develop systems of eating. All of this helps to make food a mere object rather than the devil itself.

*Take a sip of water or other calorie-free liquid between each bite. You feel full much faster, partially because the body often mistakes thirst for hunger, so by drinking, one actually reduces the amount of food their body needs to eat.

*If you are really craving something specific and are on the verge of a binge, go into the kitchen, prepare it, and then eat it-but do not swallow! Chew it slowly, enjoy it, and then spit it out. Immediately after that rinse your mouth with water at least three times before swallowing a sip so you do not accidentally ingest any calories.

*If you are about to binge, pick a safe food, preferably negative calorie (pickles, celery, blueberries, etc.) and eat it non-stop for up to half an hour, taking a sip of water with each bite. Often you will not be able to even get up to half an hour, and you will be full so the desire to binge will be gone, but you haven't eaten anything "bad."


*Do not ever eat anything you do not know the exact amount of calories in. Sometimes you can fool yourself into thinking you've eaten less than you have. Remember, numbers do not lie.

*Track progress by measurements and not the scale alone. Scales are affected by everything from the weather to the time of day, but the numbers on a measuring tape are affected by nothing except the actual size of your body.

*Keep a food diary. Start your own pro-ana page. Make an ed scrapbook. Anything that keeps your mind on not eating is a good thing.

*When you want to eat, exercise for at least 15 minutes first. It not only distracts you from eating but burns calories and benefits your body as well.

*Buy a pair of expensive jeans at least one size too small. Try them on right before you eat. You will either not want to eat or will eat less. When you lose enough weight to fit into them properly, reward yourself by buying another pair, again one or two sizes too small.

*Eat low-calorie foods with very intense flavors. Often times you just crave taste. Chili peppers, anything pickled, peppermints, and very concentrated bullion (make it with half the water recommended) are all good options.

*Make a list of foods that you are absolutely never ever allowed to eat. Write it down and keep it somewhere accessible.
On this list should be things like doughnuts, cake, cream, soda, fatty meats like duck, and any dairy product not made with skim milk. If you really like any of these things and find it hard to resist, prepare it, but then put something disgusting all over it (like pouring vinegar on a cream-filled doughnut). Take a bite. You will find you have totally lost your taste for
the food.

*Diet pills are amazing, but you have to be careful. Try to eat something small and safe when you take one, like an apple or a small piece of grilled chicken. If you don't then you will get awful side effects. The same goes for taking more than the recommended amount. I have taken four stacker 3 pills with no food and almost ended up dead because of it. Use, but with caution.

*If you must go out to eat, go to the restaurant’s web page before hand, and find something safe to eat. Do not eat bread or appetizers. Order a salad with dressing on the side if everyone else is having appetizers. If there is nothing safe on the menu most places will make you a plain piece of grilled chicken or fish if you ask.

*Never drink soda. There is absolutely no reason to. Even diet soda will actually make you look bloated and weigh a little more.

Every night, from about 12 till 1 i figure out my next day.
And how I'm gonna go about dealing with it.
I realized today that the one thing i promise myself every night,
i always eventually break it. And i realize that by doing that I am lying to myself.
If i cant have the strength to trust myself and not lie to myself how am i going to be able to let others trust me?
So for now on if i make a promise to myself i shall keep it.
Today, and for the rest of the week at least. i PROMISE not to binge/purge.
I will exercise and i will lose the disgusting fat!

Yesterday I was so proud of myself i exercise so much! i burned 1300 calories!
But i consumed 1000 so i only burned 300!
i was sad after that.

but today shall be better and this time i mean it.

Love always ---
Sandy

The days stay the same...

...As we go on we remember all the times we've had together
And as our lives change come whatever we will still be friends forever...

Hung out with some old friends. Found out they have all been through anorexia and bulimia,
one still is. I'm jealous of the progress K looks sooo good, so skinny! I wish that was me.
I took bioxy today.. hopefully will flush out any food I'm forced to eat.
And I'm going to play my DDR. I haven't lost any weight so far this week.
My boyfriend is so skinny, I'm starting to think its all the pot he smokes..
When i blazed the other day i didn't eat at all. I don't get the munchies.

anyways stay strong guys.
...i love you.
--Sandy

A week later...

So a week goes by.. and i lost about 3 pounds.
Here was my week...

Sunday - i ate a lot, for lunch i had apple and cottage cheese with a few chips.
for dinner it was a chicken pot pies for dinner and crashed and burned with pizza at work.
but i did alot of exercise that day and burned about 800 cals.

Monday - i had so much im not gonna say it all, but I played DDR which burned 200 cals. And i walked to school, burning about 150 cals.

Tuesday - i was with friends after school, so i didn't eat much, but what i did eat was sooo sugery. i had a lemon cranberry scone (600 cals) a banana (150 cals) a chocolate cake thing (130 cals) 2 plain waffles (200) and a sandwich (190 cals) and some chicken bacon thing (270 cals) and i burned about 500 cals exercising

wednesday - 2 pieces of pizza with the boyfriend and a little bit of chicken (600 cals) cheerios and a ginerale (250 cals) Burned around 500 cals today

thursday - multi-grain cheerios (115 cals) California rolls (417 cals) latte from starbucks (350 cals) little bit of vanilla ice cream (220 cals) I Burned alot of calories tho! 600 cals on ddr and 100 walking.

Friday - Medium iced capp at timmies 360 cals (bf bought it without asking...) and a little crab (40 cals) i burned most my cals at work and walking around (500 cals)

Peace and love bebes <3
---Sandy

The worst of it.

Alright so the other day, i was planing not to eat anything.
It was going great, had 0 cals, then i came home...
at about 7pm and my mom told me to eat dinner,
so i did because i knew, if i didn't she would question it.

But of course, my body took over, i ate, and ate and ate.
I felt so bad after, like a freaking obese!
I purged, it was hard, it hurt, but i did.
I did it so much, with so much determination, to get that evil out of my body,
that i broke the blood vessels in my face.

Then I remembered a a few years ago , i would just binge and purge,
i didn't restrict. The same thing had happened, except at the same time i had puked blood.

I really don't know what to do, i hate the binge purge, just because of the purge.
Does anyone have any good idea on how to get out of the purging?
I know I'm hurting myself whenever i purge, but i just can't stop myself.

Today I did restrictions, i didn't eat more then 500 cals. and i burned about 1000 cals.
i walked to school, walked to work, ran stairs, and ran around at work for like 5hrs.
but i really don't feel that is enough.

----Sandy

The Fast and The Fruit Fast

Yesterday, I was able to go the whole day without any food.
0 Calories WOOT!
I also burned 400 calories on my DDR.

Today was not to hard, I did a fruit fast.
For breakfast I had a nectarine. For lunch an apple and a banana.
For dinner i had 3 small peaches and after work i had another banana.
Throughout the say i had water, orange juice and apple juice.
I believe i did great!

Wont be on for a few days,
stay strong loves.

--Sandyy <33

It continues

Yesterday...
hardly ate...
went to work...
NO PIZZA WOOT!!
came home...
binged...
couldn't purge :(

Today i shall not eat!
I shall exercise with my DDR.
I shall not eat at work.
I shall not eat after work.
I shall get some good sleep.

--- i hope no one notices...

The good :), And the bad :(

So Thursday i did a 0-70 fast!
i had 2 Fuze drinks, 15 cals each. and some apple juice, 35 cals.
all together i had 65 cals!

but then Friday (yesterday) i was going to do the same thing... BUT
i had pizza... a lot of pizza! i caved so bad!
I'm such a pig! So i had around i dunno 800 calories.

Today my plan is to get back on tract with my DDR and burn 1000 cals.
gosh i hope i can.

Weight update!!!
LW: 123
GW: 99
CW: 133
HW: 139

---no change from last time :( FML

Last day of my 2468 diet...

heyy guys...
so today is 800 cals.
i had an acai juice drink which is really good for losing weight...
http://www.acai.com/
anyways i have been playing DDR
so even tho i had those 600 cals yesterday and 800 cals today
i had minus cals because of exercising so much!!
weighing myself Saturday
love u all
--Sandyyy

day 2 - 400 cals

Woot!
so today i had a 120 cal muffin, 150 cal sandwich, and some celery -20 cals.
plus im playing ddr hottest party 2 on wii so far -100 cals.
so that means
120 + 150 -20 - 100 = 150 cals
YAY!
im doing good! teehee.
well im playing more ddr.
wont be able to get back on here tonight. but MAYBE tomorrow.
If not Wednesday for sure.
love you all!
- Sandy

Day 1 - 200 cals

Hey guys,
so i got up at 11am, well sort of.
im playing sick so my mom doesn't make me eat lunch.
Its 2:30 now, i officially got up at 1 and had a shower.
i haven't eaten anything at all so far. Yay!

I will soup before i go to work, which works out to be 200 cals.
and then ill say i ate at work, come home, and go to bed!
im so smart.

Ciao

--Sandy <33>

2468 what is it we really hate...

So yesterday i did the fast!
it was perfect :)

Tomorrow will be starting my 2468 diet.
So here is my schedule for the week:
Sunday - 200 cals
Monday - 400 cals
Tuesday - 600 cals
Wednesday - 800 cals
Thursday - 200 cals
Friday - 400 cals
Saturday - 600 cals
Sunday - 800 cals
And we will see how its gone by then.

Today im just going to raise my metabolism so that im good for sunday.
i think that's best.

Love always - Sandy

The Fast...

Sorry I was M.I.A. for a bit.

Wednesday i went to the lake... didn't eat anymore then 800 cals.
Yesterday (Thursday) it was first day of summer school, My prep day for my fast.
i ate nothing. After school, i had to work, i had a piece of pizza :( i caved.
Then i had diet coke (0 cals). then when i got home.
My mom made me eat.. so i Binged and Purged.
It was a bad day.

Today i start my full on fast.
so far i have had water, flavored (o cal) water, and ice.
im going to keep that up.
tonight i work till 9, so i shouldn't be made to eat.
fast completion. I hope this works.

To all those that read my blog, thank you.

<3 Sandy...
---wont settle till I'm the size i have always wanted to be.

hopefully it will get better...

So yesterday i was home all day,
i had to eat in front of my mom, like it was a MUST.
so i did, i think i may have consumed 1000 cals MAYBE,
but i burned a good 400 on the tred-mill.

this day i am hoping to do better. all i have had is 3 pieces of a personal sized chz pizza.
i was with my friend, i had no choice as she knew i haven't had anything else today.
so hopefully i wont be eating anything more. im just gonna tell my mom i ate big lunch and will eat at work...

Anyways...
thursday and friday me and C, are gonna fast.
with an acceptance of 200 cals, or was it 150 cals?
anyone want to join?
Stay strong bebes! <3

--Sandyy

Weight Update.

Okaii, so i woke up today and i could hardly move,
i had a really bad sleep waking up every hour since 6:00.
Also i couldn't get to sleep till 1:00.
Yesterday was a good day, for dinner i just had lettuce and chicken...
and i worked from 4 till 9:30 so i worked it off at work, and ate nothing.
I did quite well on resisting pizza, I'm very happy with myself.

Today seems like its going to be hard tho.
I didn't drink enough yesterday, so I'm gonna make sure i drink loads today!

Weight update...
LW: 123
GW: 99
CW: 133
HW: 139

Doing better...

Was very happy when i got up this morning...
I lost 3 pounds! I'm assuming that's only water weight but
its better something then nothing..
As I'm still kinda embarrassed at what I weigh I'm not going to say.
But as soon as I'm at the weight worth telling i will.
im not at my goal, actually I'm no were near it.
i will do an update of my current weight in a few days.
so stay tuned lol i sound like a TV show! :P

To those who read my blog, thank you. and leave comments!
i love to read my responses.
And just a shout out to my very good friend Twipz...
http://twipz.livejournal.com/
She is amazing and without her, I wouldn't be able to get through this everyday.
I love you hun. Your an amazing friend!

Update for today...
Had a salad for lunch...
lettuce a little feta, a tiny 2 cals pickle, and 3 grapes.
I hate family meals...
i work today soooo i can get out of dinner tonight but my mom will make me eat before i go to work, so im gonna have another salad. Maybe somemore bioxy.
Bioxy Cleanse, its just like a laxative, BUT its healthy, and natural!
BTW it may taste bad, but the powder works best!

Erg...

So after saying yesterday no no no will not eat...
at work there was another mistake pizza, everyone was eating it...
i had 2 slices :'( i felt soooo bad! i hate working at Panago!

i managed to loose a pound, but its probably just water weight.
today i have only had a salad and a few tortilla chips, and a bunch of tea
BUT i also had some Bioxy, which should help get rid of the food.

Thanks to a friend i have learned some really helpful things too.
Like vinegar helps digest the food MUCH faster.
Gosh C, if it wasn't for you i dont know how i could hold up.
Its great having someone to talk to about everything. It really helps.


Stay strong bebes <3
-Sandyy

All Alone

As today my mom is at work,
my grandparents have gone out, i have the house to myself...
fabulous. no one to force me to eat!!..
I'm having a 10 cal drink right now. and an ice cube for a snack.
I'm not gonna eat anything for dinner.
My grandparents were home at lunch time but i just had lettuce, feta, and grapes.
i shall go work all that off if i can now.
Alex should be picking me up soon for work...
thats in about 2 hours sooo i got time..
I haven't lost any weight yet, its like its laying dormant now.
I don't understand why. It should be going! I am exercising as much as i eat.
i think i need to go more full force into this...

harder then you think

10:30 AM
No breakfast, of course.
if my mom is not home why eat?
I have a bad headache, so its not helping.
but every time i think about food i feel sick.
i think my body is trying to say "eat food." But my mind i saying no.
I have lost 5 pounds that are not water weight, but that's not enough.
I haven't reached my goal. i wont stop until i do.
I shall have only an apple for lunch, as if i don't my grandma will make me something.
I have to work tonight, 7th day in a row... as long as i stay away from the pizza mistakes
off the top of the oven i will be able to go without dinner! Yay me!
Time to exercise...

+

2:37pm
200 crunches, and a long walk with a friend later....
I walked quite far, to a friends house, then we walked down to Tim Horten's
I had a Chai Tea! with NO extra's, i think i did good <3
Then we walked home.

=

All I had today was a chai tea, later i will be forced to have dinner,
but it is ONLY 420 cals. so ill have nothing more.,..
so that means only 420 cals today! as i probably worked all that off while walking.

(L) Sandy

Parents Become The Problem

I got my computer taken away for awhile,
so i was not able to post.
my mom found out about ana. Well somewhat.
i convinced her i didn't know what she was talking about.

I have had to eat in front of my mom for the past 2 weeks,
she has been watching me like a hawk. errrgg.
but now I'm back on track. i have been a bit bitchy these days
i have been concentrating on my dance, with rehearsals and dress rehearsals,
show last night and tomorrow night, then were done for the year!

Thinspo Of The Day--->

Alright so today wasn't too bad.
I had to eat breakfast today so my mom wouldn't question me.
But it was like half a bowl of PLAIN cheerios no not the honey nut.
Sooo i went the rest of the day on water,
i was going to have an apple but i forgot it in my locker.
i had two hoodia pills tho, there AMAZING!
im gonna have to eat dinner, my parents wont let me skip it. i will probably purge after....

I have a head ache and it wont seem to go...
im kinda worried but imma suck it up.
Ana i love you, and i will stick with you.
If there is no accomplishment if it doesn't hurt.

<3

Coming Clean.. The Start

My obsession began a year ago,
I don't know exactly why but i felt disgusting.
i started to purge every time i felt i had eaten too much.
i never really understood why as i was i think 10 years old.
the phase would come and go as it did for quite a few years.
Now i can't get out of it, and guess what i don't want to.
i love it, the fact that for once im in control of something.
when i started i was ... gosh i can't even say i was so gross.
now i am in the 120's i am happier but its not good enough i want to be between 100 -110
my main goal is 99. Double digits bitch!

Today so far i have eaten nothing. i had 3 pieces of gum 1.7 cals each.
but tonight unfortunately i have to eat dinner, im not gonna be able to purge either.
but luckily i have dance soooo i wont have to worry about it too much cuzz what little i do eat,
i will be able to work it off. Maybe I'll even go for a run tonight.

Eventually i will dance between the rain drops.